The Dating Dilemma: Why Strong, Independent Women Struggle to Find Mr. Right

I am writing this because I am strong independent woman and this is what I have learnt and am continuing to learn! There is a serious trigger warning in this! If I were to read this blog 4/5 years ago I would have flipped my lid in toxic feminist rage! I am still a feminist, but there is a way to be a balanced version of everything, however, back then I wasn’t a balanced version of anything!

The important thing I want to make crystal clear from the start is, it’s absolutely important for you to be strong and independent if that is who you are. What I want to open you up to is the notion you don’t have to wear that hat everywhere you go. Let me explain. When you are out with your girls on a night out you don’t need to delegate tasks, meet set times and be rigid in expectations of others right? You soften, you go with the flow, you may, just may, let someone else lead! - If you dont soften at all at any point drop me a DM as we need to talk!

I am in no way shape or form going to tell you to lower your standards, accept less than what you deserve or tell you the bloody awful line we get all the time “you’re too much”. - To the wrong people you will always be too much but to the right people you wont, BUT if you are not open to receive, guess what love has no way to enter into your life.

So before I add my feminine masculine energy approach into this lets talk about common dating issues:

1. High Standards, Small Dating Pool

Strong women know their worth, and they're not willing to settle. While this self-respect is admirable, it can significantly narrow the field of potential partners. Finding someone who matches your ambition, intellect, and drive can be like searching for a needle in a haystack.

2. The Intimidation Factor *eye roll*

Let's face it: some men feel threatened by successful women. If you can change your own tire, lead a boardroom meeting, and whip up a gourmet meal might this could unintentionally intimidate potential suitors. This often leads to fewer approaches and missed connections. - We’ve all been there ay! (they aren’t your people).

3. The Time Crunch

Building a career, maintaining friendships, and pursuing personal passions takes time. So many of us strong, independent women find ourselves with packed schedules that leave little room for dating. When we’re juggling multiple responsibilities, finding time to meet new people can fall to the bottom of the priority list, which it really was for me my whole life!

4. The Independence Paradox

The very traits that make us successful – self-sufficiency, assertiveness, and confidence – can sometimes work against us in the dating world. Some potential partners might mistakenly perceive these qualities as a lack of need for companionship or an unwillingness to compromise. Who else can relate!

5. Outdated Social Norms

Despite progress, many societal expectations around gender roles in relationships persist. Strong women who take charge or make the first move might inadvertently turn off partners who hold more traditional views on dating. I know what you are thinking so how do I become more “approachable” I do have the answer!

What I am about to say is something you’ve heard before , but I am hopefully going to say it in a way that resonates deeper. I wish I could have told and guided my younger self through this.

You need to surrender into your feminine energy to create space for connection.

What does that look, sound and feel like I hear you ask. Well, I want you to think about it like this, when we are in are strong independent woman vibe we are actually in our masculine energy, which is great when we are working, at the gym, planning all the logical and doing stuff. The problem is we aren’t supposed to stay in that energy for long spurts of time. We are suppose to ebb and flow between our masculine and feminine energy hence the yin and yang sign.

The reason so many of us our living mainly in our masculine energy is because of … you guessed it childhood experiences. So many of us adapted ourselves to survive. The women I am talking to in particular are the women that adopted a fight response. You are most likely the eldest child, had a father that wasn’t around, was abusive,or had a mother that emotionally unstable and so you stepped into the role of protector. Maybe you have a lot of siblings you needed to care for. (Just a few examples out of hundreds). Either way you were taught to be a fighter, a solider, a warrior. But you don’t need to be that now.

If you are reading this resonating please do drop me a DM because I can only cover so much in this blog.

This is the key.

In order to receive the love you desire you have to get yourself out of survival mode. This can be done through working with me and or other mentors, therapist etc, journaling, breathe work, meditation. Combined with physical activities, sports, dancing, walking. Being kinder to yourself! This is the biggest part!

By taking yourself out of survival mode you will start to understand that people are safe. Especially men. (If you have been in a narcissistic relationship please do seek further assistance from me or another specialist). When you feel safe you give yourself permission to soften.

Lets use water as an analogy. You’ve all heard the term ice queen (I’m sure) referring to an icy heart? Well, the ice is protecting the heart from getting ‘hurt’ but it is also preventing it from feeling anything. When you start to feel safe the ice begins to melt and so the heart becomes water, ever flowing and available to pour into anyone it desires but also opens up to be poured into. The thing is you probably haven’t allowed yourself to receive not only love, but support, kindness and ease from everyone, not just romantic suiters. My new saying for 2024 is it gets to be easy and trust me it does.

I am telling you, you need to be let go of some control, you are supposed to receive that is the law of the feminine to receive. If you have found yourself planning the dates, organising when to see them, driving to them - you are in your masculine. And trust me these are my examples! I know you do it because you are busy, you are trying to make it easier for them but DONT, DONT do it!!

We do it because it creates a false sense of safety within us, but ultimately micro managing like that is actually hindering us. Love requires you to fall and all the time you are clinging on to the edges you aren’t allowing yourself to surrender and to let someone take care of you.

By you creating this safety within yourself, you will automatically start to attract MEN and not boys. When you are in your masculine you attract men looking for a mother and not a lover! When you are in your feminine you attract the men that want to provide for you. We all know that one woman that is so feminine and has men lining up for her right? You may have judged her in the past, but she was on to something, that judgement you had was your ego offended that it does actually get to be easy for you, but now you know it does.

Once you start to heal and open, the universe will test you to see if you have learnt your lesson, so do be extra discerning. Being in your feminine doesn’t mean you accept crapy time keeping and lack of interest, keep those strong boundaries but let them come to you and if they don’t, they aren’t right for you. I hate to say it but to be in your feminine energy is to be patient AF.

Again this is everything I have learnt and am continuously practicing and as a result of this, I notice that I have far more attention than I ever have. I still am the strong powerful woman I have always been, but when I am not working, I am open, I allow people to help me and I welcome them in.

Funny enough, energetically, I do have a feeling my future husband is on the horizon … I’ll keep you updated! haha!

Bottom line is you need to heal to feel in order to receive. There is absolutely no way you can receive and maintain love if you don’t.

There are 8 billion people in the world and because you exist of course your person does too. Be open and trust its coming and for the love of cheese, please don’t try to control it!

I do have a podcast about this launching Sunday 28th July with world renowned relationship expert Andre Paradis. Listen here.

If you are ready to meet the love of your life and receive all the love you desire drop me a DM.

If you want to take a go at journaling see my worksheet and journal here.

You get to be both strong and soft. Water is both ice and the ocean.

Love and light xx