Victim to Victor
This one isn’t for the faint hearted and I may trigger a few of you - thats not my intention. My intension is you read this, identify with it and choose to take inspired action.
We’ve all been there and or will visit there some point in our lives but what we can't do is, move in and build a home there, which a lot of people have because it feels safe and familiar. What I’m referring to is Victimhood lane.
Now, when you have been through trauma or hardship you are guided through this space understandably and depending on the severity of the trauma you may rent a space for a while whilst you receive the help you need.
But, there are a lot of people that have the capacity to live somewhere else but choose to be there, in fact, these very people have built villas and mansions there even though they could move and have a better quality of life in another neighbourhood. Why do they choose to stay? Because, as I said, their family lived there or visited often and or it reminds them of home. Can you see where I am going here? Choosing to stay in victim mentality out of choice is very different to staying there out of trauma.
I do believe we have a choice and in my work I’ve seen it many a time, but most importantly I made a different choice. I chose to not let what I went through define me, instead I used my story and all the pain I experienced as a propeller to launch me forward down a new pathway. Don't get me wrong I have visited victim hood lane many a time but, I’ve never out stayed for too long, I popped in for a tea and went on my way!
Now, as I said, I am not sharing this to shame you, I am sharing this to raise awareness within you. Let’s delve into some common behavioural traits often seen in individuals who have adopted a victim mentality. If you identify with two or more please reach out, this is my work and I can support you in getting out of this space!
Blame-shifting: Victims often attribute their problems to external factors or other people, rarely taking responsibility for their own actions or circumstances.
Passive aggression: Instead of expressing their feelings directly, they might use indirect methods like sarcasm, sulking, or deliberate procrastination. - My absolute pet hate!!
Self-pity: There's a tendency to dwell on their misfortunes, often exaggerating their problems and minimising their capabilities. It’s ok to feel it once and a while but all the time is extremely unhealthy and creating a detrimental impact on your overall wellbeing!
Learned helplessness: Victims may believe they have no control over their situation, leading to a lack of initiative or effort to change things. - This is where we have to take action, no one is coming to save you but you.
Attention-seeking: Some may dramatise their issues to gain sympathy or attention from others. What do I say, misery loves company and it feeds off each other constantly.
Negativity: A persistent focus on what's wrong in their life, often overlooking positive aspects or opportunities. And guess what thats why you keep manifesting what you don’t want!
Refusal of help: Paradoxically, while seeking attention, they might reject genuine offers of help or advice, preferring to remain in their familiar state of victimhood.
Comparison: Constantly comparing their situation to others, usually to reinforce their belief that they have it worse. - You cant compare trauma.
Difficulty in decision-making: Fear of making the wrong choice can lead to indecisiveness or relying heavily on others for decisions. Espeaciallly if you suffer with sever anxiety
Emotional reasoning: Basing their understanding of reality on how they feel rather than objective facts.
Rigid thinking: Difficulty in seeing alternative perspectives or solutions to their problems.
Chronic complaining: Regularly voicing dissatisfaction without taking constructive action to address issues.
As I said from the start these behaviours often stem from deep-seated fears, past traumas, or learned patterns, but recognising these traits in yourself is the first step towards breaking free from victim mentality. Also if you are reading this and identify these behaviours in someone you know, It’s crucial to approach them with empathy and understanding, while still encouraging their personal growth and responsibility. In other words send them to me!
If you are someone thats been living in victimhood lane a long time and you are reading this thinking ok but what now? I see you I hear you here’s what you can do to pack up and move out!
Acknowledge your pain: Your experiences are valid. What happened to you wasn't fair. It's okay to feel hurt, angry, or scared.
Shift your perspective: Instead of asking "Why me?", try asking "What can I learn from this?" or "How can I grow from this experience?"
Take responsibility: While you can't control what happened to you, you can control how you respond. Own your reactions and choices moving forward.
Seek support: Surround yourself with people who encourage growth and positivity. Drop me a DM, join my FREE Step into your lead character energy masterclass and or consider therapy or support groups.
Set goals: Focus on what you want to achieve, not what you're trying to escape. Having a clear direction can pull you out of the victim mindset. - I walk my clients through this, once we have released whats set us back we can call in what we wish to receive without any resistance!
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate this journey. Change takes time and it's okay to have setbacks. In my journal I show you HOW to work through this.
Choosing to leave Victimhood Lane isn't easy. It's comfortable there, in a strange way. You know the streets, the neighbours, the daily routine. But staying there keeps you trapped in a cycle of pain and stagnation. Moving out of Victimhood Lane doesn't mean forgetting or minimising your experiences. It means choosing not to let those experiences define your future. It's about reclaiming your power and writing a new chapter in your story.
The path forward might be unfamiliar and sometimes scary, but it leads to growth, resilience, and a life lived on your own terms. So, are you ready to pack your bags and explore a new neighbourhood? I hear Abundance close has an unlimited amount of new builds with an ocean view and a south facing garden!!
If anything I mentioned struck a cord with you please do drop me a message here.
As mentioned I am also running a FREE Masterclass ‘Step into your Lead Character Energy’ Tuesday 25th June 7.30PM Zoom. Click here to secure your space. - Dont worry if you can’t make it live you can watch the replay in your own time!!
Also I’m back this week with my Podcast Permission to Shine click here to follow and catch up on previous episodes.
It’s time to be the lead character of your life to go from victim to victor!
You are not what happened to you but what you choose to be!
Sending so much love and light!