The V we are all addicted to …
Ok! I’m getting back into the swing of this again, and actually what’s really helpful is I’m using the dictate settings on my phone! What’s funny about that though, is sometimes the grammar comes out crazy and the words are all jumbled up but for the sake of being authentic, and for showing you that I’m genuinely writing this and it isn’t AI, I am going let it just be!
For today’s blog I want to talk about validation. It is something that we all crave for in some form of way. Whether it’s external or internal; through the way we look, how we show up and or how hard we work, in some form of a way, each and everyone of us is craving validation.
Now when it is self-validation (you are validating yourself) because you feel worthy enough just as you are that is okay but even still there Element of you not accepting yourself as you are because you are needing that validation you are needing it to be done for you. It’s a doing thing it’s not being there for seeking validation is very much a masculine energy now while it’s great to strive for our goals and ambitions and the things that we want.
Ultimately, if we want to be validated through being that as in you want people to tell you that you’re so great because you work so hard oh yeah you’re always on the Grindr Aunty Suzie more like you because of it that’s actually toxic, yeah I said it is toxic behaviour where we’re trying to validate ourselves based on external looks or behaviour patterns. There is an element of toxicity at how you look at it and I want you to just fully understand that just you being as you all is enough, we all make mistakes, we all do things are they be seen as not productive you know that regardless of all those things that you are just enough. That really is thing in this western world we really validate beauty and the way we look and that goes for the fitness industry, as well as the beauty industry, no amount of filler, no amount of going to the gym, will make you a better human being and also none of it will make you like yourself more that all comes from the internal work.
I’ve said before I say it again everything comes down to your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind has the control and takes up 95% of your thoughts, so that’s 5% of you consciously doing something and taking action is really not making that much of a difference. Don’t get me wrong consistency is important and if exercise makes you feel good it makes you feel like you’re releasing negative emotions and feel good endorphins are increasing because of the fact you’re exercising that is amazing, and that’s always why you should exercise, because you want to feel good in your body and you want your body to be as healthy as it can possibly be.
The same thing goes for beauty, you can change your face add filler, Botox, you can wear make-up but if you are doing that to gain the validation of others through being “beautiful” and “perfect” that is detrimental to Your own well-being, because you are constantly then having to show up that as an appearance and then, when you’re not wearing make-up or maybe the filler dissolves, or then, you find another floor and then you want fix that, it becomes an ever evolving non-stopping perpetuating cycle.
If you can except yourself as you are in all of your glory, you know flaws and all, that then results in you not needing external validation.
Now I’m telling you all of this because I have been a victim to this for the majority of my life, probably up until my late 20s, so I’m on with you in this space, no judgement, purely acknowledgement and what I have learnt through addressing this for myself. It is hard to unlearn our default programming. It was only when I was at the gym a couple of days ago I really sat and reflected on my own journey with this.
Heres my reflections, I’m in the best shape of my life at the moment. My weight has fluctuated massively throughout my life and actually, when I was working really hard to be in shape, I was probably in the worst shape of my life. Now, I’m not really doing anything to be in shape, other than prioritising my health and making it a part of my self-care and well-being practice. This makes even more sense, as I found out recently, trauma is also physically stored in the body, your body holds weight as an act of survival. Finding that out was literally revolutionary! Since then I have been adding somatic exercises into my routine before I go to bed as a meditative process. The movements combine with your breathe, think yoga meets breathe work, I recommend giving it a try! I found it on TIKTOK!
So this makes me loosing weight make sense too, it was nothing to do with wanting to look better, or anything like that. Thats why the work I do is so important, why inner healing is so important as it literally affects every part of us mind, body and soul!
My validation came from wanting to be seen as a hard working person, being strong and I would say beautiful but honestly I didn’t feel it back then!I would be at the gym 5 to 7 days a week, work multiple jobs (thats also survival mode and lack mindset), I would spent hours doing my own make, just to feel validated, to feel accepted by society to feel “beautiful”(by society and social medias standards).
Once I began my healing journey and started to heal in inwards I realised non of that mattered. Never did and it never will!
I actually do not care what other people think of me. In fact, the only thing I want to be known for is for who I am in what I do, and even that is not my responsibility or problem. I understand and know fully that people will make up their own stories about me. I am under no illusion in knowing that I am most likely a villain in someone else’s story and because thats their story of me and isn’t mine, I don’t waste time caring! I think I said it in the first blog other peoples opinions of you is not your problem. I hope you can see my message clearly throughout this blog that you don’t have to be beautiful else, strong enough for anyone else, hard working for anyone else. Just for you, because you feeling that way about yourself, inevitably will show that on the outside world. You don’t have to lose 10lb to be healthy. You don’t have to change your face to be beautiful, you don’t need to be picture perfect, these are all expectations and thoughts that you have set for yourself. You will exhaust and shame yourself striving for an expectation, that you have seen and then adopted and agree to yourself. You have made that contract with yourself. That is what beautiful looks like, that’s what healthy looks like, thats what successful looks like (I cancelled hustle culture last year because of my old contract), striving for these goals creates a perpetuating cycle that’s never ending as you will constantly find the next thing.
I speak about it all the time masculine energy is doing, being, is feminine energy and when you let go of the doing and switch to being you open up receive. In the being you will always be in the present moment and that’s where your manifestation are, that’s where the self acceptance is and that’s where you are, that’s the end product, if you can get to that feeling now, feeling beautiful, feeling healthy, feeling successful. If you can be in those feelings right now you will ultimately become it. You don’t have to do anything to receive that energy, other than be it and I know it’s frustrating… I know you hear it all the time and you’re like how? You just have to be it, accept it as your current reality. It’s about changing our subconscious thoughts and belief patterns, It is about telling yourself, you know what I look great, even if you don’t feel it just yet, you almost have to practice being in those thought process. I say it before and I’ll say it again, affirmations really made a difference to me but that’s because I really did work on believing them. Yes we can spend ages saying words that mean nothing for no reason, but if you truly know that you want to wake up and feel beautiful, you want to be strong, you want to feel unstoppable, you literally have to declare. I am beautiful. I am strong I am powerful I am worthy of everything I want, whatever it is you fill in the gap, but the more you can actually speak that to yourself the more it become your reality.
Your thoughts become things!
Stop looking outside yourself, for the solutions and answers. It’s all inside of you. The universe is a mirror of you. Feel it inwardly to see it outwardly!
If this struct a cord with you ask yourself these questions, Why do I want this? What am I trying to prove? and what will I gain from it?
If this answers are in integrity with who you want to be for example the healthiest version of you, or this version of me deserves to look and feel her best self, thats a great reason to do something outside of yourself. If its to make people like me or to like like Kim K, thats not the right answer and asian you need to do the work!
Its 2024 in just 6 weeks, if you are ready to up level, transform and step into the version of yourself you’ve always wanted to be I invite you in to work with me!
Give yourself the permission to shine!
Love and Light xx