I only want roses in my garden
Heyyy! I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog, but in all honesty, I’ve been thinking about writing a book for a long time so I feel like getting back into writing blogs will keep me accountable AND I can use them as part of my book! -See what I’m doing here two birds one stone! Plus I hopefully, this is helping YOU reading!!!
I have done a lot of growing since I wrote my last blog. If you follow me on social media you’ll have seen my journey; how I’ve been processing my emotions, tightening my boundaries and just getting really clear on my values, my mission and what it is I’m actually doing here in this world, with my business and as a person. This is so important because I’m human first, as we all are! I spoke about this quite a lot in the past, about how we define ourselves by labels, but ultimately we are human above all. For me my labels look like dancer, dance teacher, Inner Power Activation Leader…… But first and foremost I’m Sherisse and I have to accept all of me, otherwise I could loose myself in those labels, like I have before. Thats no longer an option!
I have said in the past, a lot of people like me broken unfortunately, that’s only become clearer through every layer of my healing. However, it has set apart the weeds from the roses.
Now gardening in general. It’s quite a hearty task. You have to put a lot of effort and energy into gardening as you do with healing, life and relationships, (follow my analogy here).
In order to plant a bed of Roses, you would need to 1st and foremost de-weed; pull out all the dead plants at the root and straggly bits of old grass, then you would treat the soil or maybe add new soil. Once the soil is fresh and fertile you can plant your seeds, water them attend to them and watch them grow, which is the same with relationships in my case friendships.
Every time I heal another layer of myself, I require more support than I did the time before., that’s because I’m now open to receive, and in my feminine energy. Unlike before, when I was completely submerged in my masculine energy, incapable of asking for help, let alone receiving it! Now, we are all on our own journeys and I’m pathways, we all only have the capacity to give what we can give and anything outside that leads to resentment. Three years into my healing journey I now understand the importance of my boundaries, I understand it isn’t my responsibility to help everyone in sacrifice of myself. I now only have a certain amount of energy to give to others because 1. healing is exhausting, but 2. the work I do now involves me helping others heal and honestly, my paying clients do deserve my time and attention because they’re paying for my services AND because I bloody care and I am good at what I do.
If you have been following my journey on social media you’ll know that this summer was really hard for me. Venus went into retrograde. Venus is in my first house that’s who I am, how I appear and it was in Leo. Leo is my sun sign and my rising sign. This combination required deep reflection in all that affects relationships, love, finances and everything in between. All in all, my trauma from the past came to the surface and I had deal with it yet again. - As I always say, healing isn’t linear and it comes up when you least expect it, but what is great for me now is that I have my own toolkit to navigate my way out. Each time any hardship arises I have practices I know work for me and I am now open to receiving help and support unlike before.
This was a real telling moment for me to see who is a true friend (a mutual exchange of energy), and who was benefiting from my services (one sided friendships). During this difficult time I was really open on my socials about how I was feeling, what I needed and how I was processing. I have never been a ‘needy’ person , and I definitely wasn’t sharing my experience to gain attention, I was sharing how I was feeling to help others and myself. I did receive some wonderful messages from people needing to hear what I had to say. So many unlikely, even random people showed their support and kindness over people that I’ve been my friends for a long time. Now as I’ve said, we are all on our own journeys, but from this I was able to reflect and see how lot of my life I’ve been breaking my back, bending over backwards, jumping oceans for people that couldn’t cross puddles for me. Now that is 100% a me problem and not them, BUT, if I chose to keep those same people in my life and accept the bear minimum, it’s only me to blame and I think that’s the real grace in these difficult moments, the lessons that we learn from them.
Without the hard moments we wouldn’t change, I’m going say that again, we need the hard moments to force us to change. Otherwise we would do nothing.
I can’t tell you the amount of clients/potential clients I speak to that say to me “when I need to do the work I will”. Unfortunately, when that time comes and you need to do the work, It feels hard and life shattering because you don’t have the tools to navigate through your obstacles. So as a result, when they do see me they are literally at rock bottom, whereas if you choose to heal when you don’t need to you, you have a complete a toolkit that can guide you through any situation! So when the a hard times come, you don’t feel debilitated, you feel capable of overcoming everything because you have have built Self trust, self acceptance and self-respect - My version of self-love. That way my mentoring feels like a helping hand and not a hospital stretcher.
Why is this all important? Well our vibe attracts our tribe and the people that we choose to have in our circle is a reflection of a part of us. Now sometimes the shadowy parts that we see in others are a reflection of what is inside of us, and sometimes they are there to show us what we have overcome, and that this is no longer the space for us. I think a lot of the people in my life know the old me and not the healed me and that’s ok, but I don’t plan on being that old me anymore or ever again. So I had a choice, to keep these people that gave me their minimum or to let them go to make space for new people.
Integrity is so important to me so know that I would never sit here and preach to you about what I do, and how I do it without actually doing it myself, so you best believe that I did the work! I did cut some people out and it’s uncomfortable. It requires you to have deep meaningful conversations that aren’t particularly nice. No one wants to hear that someone doesn’t want be their friend or that they no longer have the space from them. However, it’s our lives. We are the ruler of our own lives we have to put ourselves 1st over everyone else, we can’t give from empty cups! You have to make sure you set boundaries and know what your values and morals are, because when you know that, the right people gravitate around you and thankfully that’s exactly what’s been happening in my life.
It’s no secret to anyone that this year I invested a lot of money into my business. I was thinking about what my return has been on that, as financially I’ve not made my money back yet - and that should never be my intention. Unfortunately we get caught up in that that race and as an ex-toxic masculine person I believe that’s part of what I was hoping for the beginning of this mentorship. Now, a few months after I’ve completed my six months mentorship and being part of a mastermind of incredible women I realise the byproduct of me investing, was to be surrounded by like-minded women. To be in rooms with people that inspired me, rooms where people excepted me fully and saw my potential. Even when I couldn’t see it myself. I am sometimes in rooms with women that make seven figures a year! There would’ve been a time in my life that I would have been overwhelmed by the idea of standing in a room with millionaires, now it’s become a bit of a norm! And don’t get me wrong, it’s not about the amount of money that you make. It’s about who inspires you to either do better, be better, and most importantly, who accepts you for who you are, and as I always say, the right people will evolve and grow with you.
I have had a number of friends grow with me on this journey. I just wanna give them a shout out because it hasn’t been easy for them to witness my change, but I’m so grateful for them and to my family too, because I know my evolution has helped them to evolve to be the best version of themselves as a byproduct. My journey has never been easy, but I promise you with every part of me it’s always been worth it. We can’t always see the clarity through the mud, but we have to go through the mud to get to the other side (clear waters), and each side is an up level to the side before!
To summarise, what I’m saying is tend to your garden, your inner world, find the things that trigger you, If it’s people around you; maybe you’re surrounded by negative people or sad people, depressed people, what part of you is feeling sad or depressed or even jealous? Do these people except every part of you? Or are they trying to change you? That’s another thing I learned on this healing journey, you can’t change anyone and you shouldn’t change anyone, it’s up you to accept their behaviour as they are or let them go. I want to say, I always let go of people with so much love, there’s never any malice or negative energy I always release from a place of love and understanding its the right choice for each person involved.
It’s so important that we look inward, are you self-aware? Do you know how you come across to people? I used to get told all the time that '“its not what I say is how I say it'“, I had to make excuses for why I was angry, or why I had a short temper but actually, I just needed to take accountability for lashing out, everything I said always came from the right place, it was just diluted by the layers of pain I was feeling. Being constantly upset and angry forced me to look inward and do the healing work - that plus the pandemic! Once I started to do the healing work, I understood how much my masculine energy thrived on the need to control situations and circumstances, I understood my martyrdom of helping everyone to give me purpose.
From my healed spaces I have learnt not everyone wants my advice but, luckily now, some people do and they pay for it which I’m grateful for! In my friendships I’ve learnt to only give advice when asked, or I now ask if they even want my advice. What does that look like for you? It’s important to say as well, a lot of these emotional behaviours that we have: withdrawing, lashing out, being angry or being quick tempered come from a result of trauma, it is so important not to shame yourself in this healing space try not to judge yourself, be annoyed if yourself or angry, because these behaviours we adopted as young people in order to survive, but ultimately they are not for us to keep forever, we can let them go. It is not your fault, you have done the best you can with what you know. However, as an adult now, it’s really important that you take that ownership and accountability of how you want to be. Are you someone you want to be around? If not thats a sign the work needs to be done.
You need people around you that bring you peace, bring you joy, that bring you wisdom/insight, people that see you for who you are. I have a a lot of people I would call friends, but I know who to call on when I need support, or when I just want a good time and I respect everyone equally, regardless of where they sit in my life and what they bring to the table.
What I know for sure is, I’m always this version of me, leading from my heart space, with integrity, respect and loyalty. I pride myself on being a rose. That may sound arrogant to some people, but I know what I bring to the table, in all of the spaces that I facilitate I create a safe space because that’s just who I am now from my healed space. I feel like I’ve probably always been a rose or a rosebud, but I was surrounded by thorns of my own trauma. Now I feel like I’m in full bloom and as a result of me being in full bloom, nurturing and attracting other roses in my garden. So if you’re reading this thinking, gosh I am surrounded by weeds, or I am a weed, I invite you to envision the best version of yourself. How do you feel about yourself? Do you respect yourself? Do you accept yourself? And do you trust yourself? Because when you accept yourself, others will accept you, when you respect yourself others will respect you, when you trust yourself others will trust you. - That my friends is how to be a rose.
If you do need support in any of the topics I mentioned above please do reach out. For self help please take look at my journal or self study. I also offer my 1:1 session ignite, which is 90 minutes. Permission to Shine Academy 12 month group support, and also offer longer term 1:1 containers for those of you that need that deep healing.
I speak about these subjects on my podcast and on my socials! Click the icons below!
We all deserve to be the very best version of ourselves and I will hold your hand out of your darkness and stepping into your own life, so you can shine so boldy so brightly and stand forever in full bloom in your rose garden.
Love and light