Surrender

Ok, I know I speak about surrender all the time but, well into 2024 I have never felt its importance as deeply as I do now.

Surrender has been one of the hardest disciplines to implement and it is something I have to do consciously.

Switching my mindset into positive and productive thoughts has become second nature, grounding myself in the present moment is again something I do without thinking but surrender, that is a whole entity in itself. Surrender is free flowing, it's not still or heavy, it’s light, weightless and free, It requires every part of me to let go, its scary and uncomfortable at times because its me saying to myself to let go of control. That wasn’t a luxury I had as a child in survival mode, I had to be on always, always on the look out for danger or another way in or round the situation.

A massive part of my healing journey, as many of you know if you have been keeping up to date or following my socials, has been coming out of survival mode.

Whats funny about control is its not binary to masculine or feminine energy, it resides in both. This is completely my own interpretation so please feel free to disagree but for masculine energy which we would associate control with could be felt in a dominant sense. Being in control in the masculine may look like taking action, assertiveness and or trying to gain control often looks like anger and aggression. However in the feminine sense, being in control looks like trusting your intuition, trying out new ideas, nurturing from a sense of knowing. Gaining control from the feminine could look like manipulation, passive aggression and or people pleasing. - There are many more examples but these are a few you would recognise and hopefully resonate with. I did write a blog about people pleasing and the impact it has on yourself and others around you, if you read that in the list and felt challenged please do have a read. Again this is my personal opinion based from my lived experience and observation. Read here.

Now again as a disclaimer masculine and feminine energy resides in every gender and it isn’t always gender typical. We are all made up of a mixture of energies and depending on the task or situation at hand would envoke the reaction each individual would take. For example two men could react completely differently to the same situation, say being the boss, one could be compassionate and understanding and one could be stern and aggressive. By the way I am in no way saying there is a wrong or right in any of these reactions and behaviours, I am simply using them as an example. I pride myself on being impartial to judgement as in the work I do, what I know for sure is there is always a back story to the reason why we react in certain ways and it more often than not connects to childhood trauma.

Now back to surrender.

Surrender is the most deepest act of feminine energy because its full trust in oneself and to the outcome/Universe/God/Source energy. I know this may sound contradictory to my previous point about each energy holding control but I believe both being in deep surrender out weighs control. We can live in the feminine energy of a softer approach to control and or we can be fully released from it. What is important to remember is that each reaction, behaviour and energy state has an importance and we can not eradicate any of it.

I say this often too, we exist is a universe of polarity, “What goes up much come down” - Issac Newton, “as so within so without”- Hermes Trismegistus. What this means is we need the opposite ends in order to create balance in our lives. Balance isn’t half and half its ebbing and flowing in harmony of what action/state of emotion we need to be in in order to experience fullness in the situation/task at hand.

So I guess you might be thinking make it make sense to me. - I got you.

In my full vulnerability as always, my struggle to surrender most recently looks like surrendering into being valued, appreciated and held in a relationship. Yes its taken me all this time and I’m here now battling myself again! This is the perfect epitome of another level another devil.

Its been scary AF! And even in all the work I have done for myself on a solo scale (which I know mirrors outwardly in my universe) prepared me for the tip in scale in my internal world.

Now as a disclaimer I have met such an understanding, caring person who makes me feel seen heard and understood and goes out of their way to learn about me all the time. This is and has very much been a me issue!

Hello trauma wounds good to see you again … NOT!

But in all seriousness it is important that these wounds come to the surface so they can be addressed and released. For me, as someone that has been hyper independent for so long the idea of letting someone in, letting someone “look after” me, letting someone see my vulnerability was the hardest thing, but in turn the most beautiful experience. What is important to add here is again the mirror analogy. If they didn’t feel safe in themselves I wouldn’t feel safe, If they were not strong in their masculine I wouldn’t feel comfortable in my feminine. A good indicator of this is connecting with how your body feels when your with someone, friends, lovers, teachers, if you feel grounded and safe in someones presence thats the most perfect state of being. In a romantic sense, society makes us believe we should be searching for a spark, sorry to break it to you but it is proven by many psychologists that the spark and butterflies is in fact a warning sign to your nervous system. What we should be searching for is an ember that builds in brightness over time.

I guess to summarise, even if it feels scary let go. I have listed many ways control can present itself but really thats all the illusion of control. We are never really in control and actually more often than not we exhaust ourselves trying too hard to obtain it. Clear focus on where you want to go, aligned action to take you there and trusting in yourself and the outcome is the healthiest, grounded way to live. - This is absolutely easier said that done and a constant practice for me to this day.

What I know for sure is my relationship may not last forever (it might) but surrendering to them and to the universe will lead me the the ultimate best possible outcome.

Not surrendering looks like swimming with all your might against the current, surrender looks like riding the wave.

Journal prompts to help you surrender:

• What is the best possible outcome?

• If I didn’t do this task or thing, what would happen?

• How many other ways could this work out?

• How would it feel to not be so stressed about this situation?

• How would it feel if this worked out better than I imagine? - Listen to my higher self meditation here.

Life is a rollercoaster, we aren’t supposed to have it all figured out, but I promise you nothing good comes from forcing anything so I urge you to try to surrender instead and see what happens.

You deserve to live a life of ease, peace and freedom. YOU have to choose that everyday to make it your reality!

For more guidance and support click here.

Love and light xx