Releasing Control: Finding Freedom Beyond the Need to Hold On
Control often feels like a lifeline an anchor in the chaos of life. It shows up in many ways: obsessive organisation, micromanaging, hyper-independence, eating disorders, and an over-reliance on structure. It’s easy to believe that if we just manage every detail, we can prevent discomfort, pain, or failure. But what if control is actually keeping us stuck rather than safe?
Why Do We Cling to Control?
Control is rarely about what’s on the surface. It’s not really about color-coding your planner, counting every calorie, or needing things to be ‘just so.’ The real reason we hold on so tightly is that something deeper is going unaddressed. When emotions aren’t met in other areas of life whether it's grief, insecurity, fear, or unprocessed trauma the mind looks for ways to create certainty. Control becomes the illusion of safety.
For some, this may stem from childhood wounds where unpredictability felt overwhelming. Others may develop control patterns in response to loss, heartbreak, or moments where life felt completely out of their hands. It’s a way to self-soothe, even if it ultimately adds more stress.
I know this first hand, from growing up in a volatile household with an alcoholic father, nothing was certain. His moods, what role I needed to play and how safe we would be that day. So as a result of the uncertainty and chaos I was living in I developed a very masculine way of living. I felt I had to protect, provide and prove. I lived that way for 28 years and the effect it had on my body, mind and nervous system is something I am still healing through now 5 years on. I’m sharing this blog because I want you to know this is something I am still working through, naturally when things feel tough I revert back to that younger version of me (and she wants to do what she’s always done), but the beauty of doing this work is I can feel when I am leaning into old habits and I can pull myself out before I fall into an old cycle. I hope this blog provides insight and guides you to finding freedom. If this resonates or if it has struck a cord drop me a DM.
How to Release Control
Letting go or surrendering control isn’t about abandoning responsibility, it’s about trusting yourself and life more deeply. You are not the sole creator of everything in your life, Take the weight off of your shoulders. Here’s how you can begin:
1. Reset Your Nervous System – Control often comes from being stuck in a stress response. Practices like deep breathing, somatic movements, movement (dance, walking running etc), or guided meditations can help shift your body into a state of ease.
2. Prioritised To-Do Lists – Instead of an endless list, categorise tasks by urgency and importance. This allows you to focus on what truly matters without feeling overwhelmed. This still allows you to feel on top of things without the pressure of needing to get EVERYTHING done on your own! - Also delegate tasks!! Its not ALL down to you I promise!
3. Journaling– Writing out your fears and control patterns brings clarity. Ask yourself, What am I afraid will happen if I let go?and Where in my life do I already trust? I always say to my clients burn the old away, let it go release it! That will create the energetic space you deserve!
4. Seek Trauma Healing Support – A mentor (this is my work!), coach, or therapist can help you process the underlying emotions that make control feel necessary. My work is all about finding the root cause, understanding what happened to us, so we can accept it, release the parts of our story that no longer serve us so we can rebuild our self worth on a deep rooted foundation. That is what true confidence and empowerment looks like!
5. Get a Hobby – Engage in something purely for joy, with no outcome attached. Dance, paint, play an instrument—whatever reminds you that life isn’t just about productivity. When we live in our masculine ‘doing’ energy, everything feels transactional even having rest might be something you feel like you need to earn. By taking up a hobby for just fun is a beautiful pathway from doing things for a reason to doing it for fun. Especially if you start something new that you’ve never done before you get to approach it like a novice and you don’t have to be the best at it (yes I know you want to be, but let that go and just have fun!).
What’s on the Other Side of Releasing Control?
When you loosen your grip, you create space for something far greater: freedom. Your mind quiets, your creativity expands, and you find joy in the in-between moments. You shift from rigid structure to flow, from tension to softness, from relentless ‘doing’ to the art of ‘being.’
Most importantly, you step into your feminine energy the space of trust, surrender, and deep inner knowing. Instead of forcing life, you start allowing it to unfold in ways beyond your imagination.
Control may have been your survival strategy, but it doesn’t have to be your forever home. Are you ready to let go and embrace the freedom waiting for you?
If so take a look through my website and visit my empowerment tools , self study and if you are serious about deep transformation take a look at my 1:1 offerings.
You deserve a life of ease and joy its time you gave yourself the permission to receive it all!
Love and light,