Things I’ve Learned at 35

Can you believe the 1st blog I ever wrote was in the peak of the pandemic. “Things I’ve learned at 29”. Wild! What’s funny is a lot of what I wrote, how I carry myself and the things I’ve learned haven’t changed too much, what I would say if anything is that my boundaries, learnings and inner world is more refined. Wiser with experience and all that! However at 35, I do trust myself more than ever and I am still learning about myself and life everyday!

Being fully transparent, I did have a bit of a strange grievance as I entered August this year, for some reason 35 felt more significant, maybe because I’m now half way to 40! But I had a few weeks where I was actually questioning my life and my choices, thinking I should be further along, or asking myself what I have to show for my 35 years which is societal pressure and my own expectation and honestly, what I’ve realised is it doesn’t need to be tangible to be real; success, happiness, love and how I make people feel don’t have a particular physical product or even look, its felt.

I wanted to share this in my intro because I know at whatever age you are, I’m sure you’ve questioned if you’ve done enough, if you are enough and so I am reminding you right now you are, you matter and people need you!

So, I started my “things I’ve learned at 29” blog by speaking on being single. I am in fact still single … To be honesty at 29 meeting my person wasn’t really a priority to me, in fact I only really began truly prioritising it this year and actually I think I’m doing a great job because the last guy I dated was in fact the best guy I’ve met so far, so clearly I’m doing something right (working on myself so I am the person I’d want to be with so I am a vibrational match to the right person), so I have no doubt my future husband is around the corner, keep an eye out because “things I’ve learned at 36” might be all about becoming a wife hahah! Joking not joking! It’s funny because my entire life, my career had always been my priority, that and living fully (more so) over the past few years. Now I have no shame in admitting I am ready to be married and have a family. A younger version of me is cringing at me openly admitting that, but I have no shame!

If you have been reading my blogs or keeping up with my socials you will know I have dedicated the past few years in reconnecting and living in my feminine energy, finding harmony with my masculine energy and importantly no longer living in survival mode. I pride myself in being honest, showing my truth and living in integrity. Thats why I am proud to say I am ready for this next chapter of my life. I have no tough girl persona to hide behind or Boss babe badge of honour. The work I do now is about guiding women and girls through their own journey of unlearning who they had to be so they can fully embody the women or girl they truly are at their core, fully alive and connected.

Why, because its the journey I’ve been living and leading myself through, most importantly I know I am the woman I needed when I was a girl. This is all important because it’s now safe for me to be soft, feminine, sensual. If this makes you feel a type of way I ask you to sit with that discomfort, because a part of me would have felt it too years ago.

This blog, like everything else I share, is a permission slip for you to drop the armour, performance, pressure and responsibility, so you can ask yourself ‘what is it I want for myself’ and ‘what actions can I take today and everyday to get me closer to where I want to be’.

Ask for help.

2025 dragged me by my hair chewed me up and spat me out, no joke! Everything stopped, ended and fell through. Whatever ego or hyper independence I had left, literally crumbled. Luckily for me, I am surrounded by so many amazing friends and family that literally supported me and I absolutely leaned on them. Again a past version of me would have wanted to go down swinging, to admit defeat and figure it out, to die with honour so to speak. But when you have nothing to prove there’s no honour to be maintained.

I have shed so many people over the years so I could nurture the connections that I felt reciprocity in, that has been one of my greatest gifts and lessons. When you are vulnerable around people that love you you won’t be judged for it and I bet the people in your life are waiting to help you if you let them.

Let go of control

When something goes wrong, not the way you planned or as expected there is always another way. BUT you will only find it when you let go of control. I know that sounds counter intuitive but, all the time you are over thinking, over planning and micro managing you are blocking yourself. Something I realised I was doing again was saying how accustom to hardship I am, through my entire life I had to go the long way. Now I understand its my 5/1 in human design I need to learn the lesson to teach it, but does it have to be hard all the time? What if it didn’t. What if it was challenging but not difficult. Thats a new narrative I entertain. I also try to make sense of everything all the time which is also a way of me trying to gain certainty … hello childhood trauma but I am aware of it and actually it can be helpful as long as I don’t allow it to lead me.

Drop the expectations

Like I said at the beginning, by societal standards I’m passed it, they clearly have not seen me I still look 25 haha (they being whoever makes up those judgmental rules!) But I can’t blame that alone, I clearly set my own expectations and I know that through the sadness I’ve felt by not meeting them.

Just like if we set a goal too far out of reach we’ll never meet it. An expectation for yourself is a contract between past and future you. Past you projects onto future you what it wants and then assumes future you will figure it out, it can work sometimes, but a more beneficial way would be that present you, makes choices and takes steps to support that future vision.

For example I want to get my backward walkover again. So I’ve spoken to my friends that are ex gymnasts and I’ve been stretching and practicing the exercises once a week as well as building the muscles that I need in order to support my body. And you know what, I’m doing it.

This is where we can thank our past self for laying the foundations. It would be really stupid of me to think I could just randomly try one day after years of no practice just because I could do it years ago. I would hurt myself and think I has a failure or I couldn’t do it ever again. Can you think about an example of that in your own life in some way?

Even with the dating. If I hadn’t looked at myself after each interaction and questioned my own patterns I would keep attracting the same type of person, yes I am still single, but I am now closer than ever to being a wife. We attract what we are, what patterns are you carrying out? Do you know your patterns? They are most likely playing out in other areas of your life. I can support you with that.

Liminal space

Agh! I hate waiting. But, just as we can’t expect or control things to go our way, sometimes the space in between is the most important. Liminal is the gap between where you are and where you want to be. The darkness of the seed in the soil to the point it breaks through the soil into the sun light for the first time. You can not rush the process, trust me I’ve tried enough times!

This could also represent rest. Your body is not a machine it’s an organic living being and needs to be nurtured. I used to push myself to the limit dance training, gym, active rest, but god forbid I just lied in bed one day. I was a machine thats why I was so bloody miserable! I laugh about it now because I am so far away from that version of me and I look back with compassion. In fact that version of me would think I am away with the fairy’s and she wouldn’t be entirely wrong! Rest is the in between. I’ve always said you can’t give from an empty cup and maybe thats what this space is the refill. That what makes it so necessary.

Choose joy

Look, I would and have said many of times feel your feelings and that is true, we live in a whole wheel of emotions and as women we can feel them all in one day right! But, if everyday you can bring your thoughts back to joy, I promise you can change your entire life. Because heres the thing. I have constant dialog in my head. All. The. Time. Yes thats as exhausting as it sounds, thats why I was so depressed because all the hardship I’d experienced would constantly replay, I was hyper vigilant always scouting for danger, then add in being responsible and solutions focused well it was exhausting! So the only way I could find peace was to create it, to learn to shift my focus, so I started to find moments of joy. Thats how the reticular activation system works in your brain, the more you look for something you’ll find it. Even in writing this blog the old school way no Ai just me my laptop and a cup of tea is brining me joy. Joy isn’t something out of reach or grand its the small moments. Even down to looking at a funny meme on social media, or that 1st sip of your coffee. I actually think joy is presence. When we can be aware we are present. I even find so much joy in celebrating others successes, watching my nieces play and actually seeing these transformations with my clients. It’s the small moments, choosing them. Coming back to you. This is all part of what I teach. I send these reminders to my free telegram space regularly, you can join us here.

Move your body

I couldn’t not have this in here right! As an ex pro dancer it is paramount to move your body. Energy becomes stagnant and stuck if you don’t move. You don’t need to do anything elaborate, literally right now put on your favourite song and dance around. Allow yourself to be free because I promise the reason you feel tight, tense and stressed is because you are not shaking your booty enough ok! Join my free telegram space you’ll be reminded of these simple steps to reconnect you with your body. You remember in the previous section when I said I have constant dialog in my head, I literally would go crazy if I didn’t get out of my head and into my body! I do host somatic movement sessions releasing the heaviness and then doing some feel good movement and even a bit of fun sassy choreography with the full moons. If you want to join meet me in the the telegram space for the updates.

There is so much more I could say, but the truth is I also don’t have all the answers and I feel I am at peace with the process of living more than I’ve ever been. Life is messy, unpredictable, hard but also beautiful, colourful and filled with joy simultaneously, if you allow it to be. Polarity.

You are the captain of your ship. The ocean is moving you regardless but you do have the power to steer in the direction you choose, and whilst that might not always get you to where you thought you would be, it will get you to where you are supposed to be. I have to remind myself of that regularly.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this as I enjoyed writing it. If you are interested in my work and how I can support you I have mentoring spaces available for both women and girls. Feel free to drop me a DM on my social platforms.

Most importantly I want you to remember that inside of you is this spark, this small flame waiting for you to drop all the expectations, pressure and performance so your flame has the space to rise through you allowing you to fully and unapologetically shine.

Heres to 35! Let the adventure continue!

Lots of love