The Power of Self Talk: How Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality

There are moments when life gives you a glimpse of an old version of yourself, not because you are meant to become her again, but because you finally have the awareness to recognise how far you have come.

I had one of those moments recently.

During an eclipse portal, an old pattern I thought I had moved beyond showed up again. At first, I felt frustrated. I remember thinking, “Why is this coming back? I thought I had dealt with this.”

But then I caught myself.

Instead of immediately spiralling into the familiar story, I noticed what was happening. I noticed the thoughts coming up, the way I was speaking to myself and the meaning I was beginning to attach to the situation.

That was the difference.

The situation itself had not necessarily changed, but my relationship with it had.

The conversation happening inside your head matters

We all have an internal conversation running throughout the day. Sometimes it is conscious, but often it is so familiar that we barely notice it.

It might sound like, “I should be further ahead by now.” Or, “Why can’t I just get it together?” Maybe it is, “Everyone else seems to be doing better than me,” or, “I always do this.”

The problem is not that you have thoughts like these. You are human. Thoughts will come and go.

The problem is when you repeatedly accept those thoughts as truth.

Your self talk can become the lens through which you experience yourself, your relationships, your business, your body and your life. If the dominant voice inside your head is constantly criticising, comparing or questioning your worth, eventually that voice can start to feel like your identity.

This is why changing the way you speak to yourself matters.

Not because you need to pretend everything is amazing or force yourself into positive thinking, but because you deserve to have an internal relationship with yourself that is honest, supportive and rooted in reality.

You do not have to believe every thought you have

One of the biggest shifts in my own healing has been learning to separate myself from the thoughts that appear in my mind.

A thought can be present without being true.

A fear can surface without becoming a prediction.

An old pattern can return without meaning you have gone backwards.

That last one has been particularly important for me.

Sometimes we think healing means we will never experience the old trigger again. We imagine that once we have done enough inner work, certain situations will never affect us.

But I don't think that is what healing is.

Healing is being able to notice what is happening sooner. It is having enough awareness to recognise the pattern before you automatically become it. It is being able to pause and ask, “Is this actually what I believe, or is this an old story I have learned to tell myself?”

And then you get to choose again.

I don't switch on my leadership. I live it.

This has also made me think deeply about what embodied leadership actually means to me.

I recently went to an event centred around embodied leadership, and it was such a beautiful space that it had me reflecting on why this work feels so natural to me.

Because I realised I don't have a “work” version of me and then a completely different version of me behind closed doors. There isn't a mental Sherisse, a business Sherisse, a speaker Sherisse and a personal Sherisse that I have to switch between.

There is just me.

The same woman who trains three to four times a week, who challenges herself, who pays attention to her body, who keeps choosing growth, who is learning to receive and who is constantly becoming more of herself.

And I experienced that in such a sweet way with my mum.

She hadn't trained with me properly for around fifteen years, partly because I scared her off the first time 😂. So watching her push herself was actually really special.

I challenged her, but I also supported her. I knew when to push, when to encourage and when to make sure she felt safe enough to keep going.

She did things she hadn't done in a long time. She was pushed outside of what she was used to, but she left feeling proud, supported and actually excited by the experience.

That, to me, is embodied leadership.

It isn't just what you say. It is how you live. It is how you make people feel. It is the example you set. It is whether your actions, values and words actually match.

I don't tell my clients to do things that I am unwilling to do myself. I lead from what I have lived, what I continue to practise and what I am still learning.

Because how you do one thing really is how you do everything.

Where your inner and outer worlds don't match

This is where self talk becomes bigger than simply “thinking more positively.”

It becomes about congruence.

Is the woman you appear to be on the outside congruent with the woman you know yourself to be on the inside?

Because when there is a disconnect between the two, you will feel it.

You might look successful on paper but constantly question yourself internally. You might appear confident while privately feeling like you are never doing enough. You might tell everyone else to rest while your own body is screaming for you to slow down.

You can create an incredible external life while still living from an internal belief system that tells you that you are not enough.

And eventually, something will have to give.

For many high achieving women, this is where the deeper work begins. Not becoming more impressive. Not achieving another goal. Not finding another thing to fix.

It is learning how to become safe enough to actually be the woman you already know yourself to be.

Are you feeding the monster mind?

I remember watching Nicola Noel's TED Talk, “Are You Nourishing the Monster Mind?”, and that idea stayed with me.

Because we can feed our minds all day long without even realising it.

Every time you reinforce the same limiting story, criticise yourself for making a mistake, compare your journey to someone else's or repeatedly tell yourself that you are behind, you are giving that story more attention.

That doesn't mean you have to silence every negative thought.

It means you can become more discerning about which thoughts you choose to give power to.

You can notice the thought and ask yourself, “Is this useful? Is this true? Is this actually mine? What would I say to someone I love if they were speaking about themselves this way?”

Sometimes the most powerful shift isn't replacing a thought with something wildly positive. Sometimes it is simply moving from “I'm failing” to “I'm learning.”

From “I always mess this up” to “This didn't go how I wanted, and I can choose what I do next.”

From “I should be further ahead” to “My life is unfolding in its own timing, and I am still moving.”

That is where self trust begins to grow.

Your thoughts are not your identity

You don't need to become someone who never doubts herself.

You don't need to have perfect self talk every day.

You don't need to wake up feeling powerful every morning.

What matters is the relationship you have with yourself when the difficult thoughts arrive.

Can you meet yourself there instead of abandoning yourself?

Can you notice the old story without allowing it to become your identity?

Can you challenge yourself without attacking yourself?

Can you hold yourself accountable while still having compassion for the woman who is learning?

Because the goal isn't to create a mind that never produces fear, doubt or uncertainty.

The goal is to become the woman who knows what to do when they appear.

That is real self leadership.

And perhaps that is why this work feels so deeply connected to everything I do.

I don't switch on my leadership. I live it.

I practise it in my business. I practise it in my relationships. I practise it in the gym. I practise it in how I speak to myself. I practise it in how I support other people.

It is not a performance.

It is a way of being.

So I want to leave you with a question.

What are you repeatedly saying to yourself that you have started to believe is simply who you are?

And what might become possible if you stopped treating that thought as a fact?

You don't have to figure everything out today.

You simply have to notice.

Because once you can see the pattern, you have a choice.

And sometimes, that choice is where everything begins.

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