The Lie of the Sisterhood Wound and Why It Keeps Women Disconnected

Over the past few months, I’ve been immersed in rooms full of women.

Since January, I’ve attended eight events in twelve weeks. Some I’ve worked at, some I’ve MC’d, some I’ve spoken at, and others I’ve simply experienced as a guest.

And across all of them, I’ve noticed something subtle but consistent.

A quiet undertone.

What many would call the sisterhood wound.

On the surface, everything looks aligned. Women supporting women. Collaboration over competition. Empowerment. Connection.

But underneath that, there’s often something unspoken.

Judgment. Comparison. Envy.

Not always loud, not always intentional, but present.

And here’s the truth I’ve landed on:

The “sisterhood wound” isn’t actually ours.

It’s conditioning.

Let’s Tell the Truth About Where This Comes From

What we often label as a “sisterhood wound” is, in many ways, a byproduct of systems that were never designed for women to thrive together.

It places the responsibility on us, as women, as though we are inherently flawed in how we relate to one another.

But historically, that’s simply not true.

Women have always gathered.

We supported each other in community, in cycles, in shared responsibility. Whether through collective caregiving, shared spaces, or open emotional expression, connection was natural.

Separation is what’s new.

Competition is what’s learned.

And when we internalise that, we begin to see each other through a lens that was never truly ours to begin with.

The Line Between Observation and Judgment

There is a difference between noticing something and judging it.

Observation sounds like:
“I see what she’s doing. It’s not how I would do it, but it works for her.”

Judgment sounds like:
“She shouldn’t be doing that.”

The behaviour may be the same, but the energy is completely different.

And energy is what people feel.

Most women are not outwardly tearing each other down. That’s not what I’ve seen.

But what is present is the internal layer. The quiet comparison. The subtle judgment. The unspoken tension.

And that matters.

Jealousy Isn’t the Problem

Let’s normalise something that many people are afraid to say out loud.

Jealousy and envy are human.

Especially in rooms where women are achieving, expanding, and being seen.

I’ve heard countless successful women say they lost friendships because others were jealous of them.

And yes, that can hurt.

But it’s also something else.

Evolution.

Not everyone will align with every version of you.

And that’s not a wound. That’s growth.

When we label every shift or disconnection as a “sisterhood wound,” we risk over-identifying with something that removes personal responsibility and replaces it with blame.

Sometimes, relationships end because they are no longer aligned.

That’s not failure.

That’s clarity.

Conflict Isn’t Something to Avoid

Another piece of this conversation is conflict.

We’ve been taught to fear it.

To avoid it. To soften it. To suppress it.

But conflict, when approached with honesty and integrity, is a pathway to deeper understanding.

In spaces where women were truly connected, conversations were had. Feelings were expressed. Tension wasn’t ignored.

It was worked through.

Avoiding conflict doesn’t create harmony.

It creates distance.

So What Do We Do Instead?

If we strip away the narrative of the “sisterhood wound,” what we’re left with is responsibility.

Not blame. Responsibility.

Here’s what that can look like in practice:

1. Detach and See Clearly

If you feel jealousy, whether it’s yours or someone else’s, pause.

Take a step back and look at the situation without immediately identifying with the emotion.

Ask yourself:
What is actually happening here?

Are you feeling threatened?
Are they?

When you separate yourself from the emotion, it becomes something you can understand rather than something that defines you.

2. Lead with Integrity

If you’re speaking about someone who isn’t in the room, be willing to say the same thing to them directly.

Integrity is not selective.

There’s a difference between expressing an opinion and speaking behind someone’s back.

And people can feel the difference.

3. Question Comparison and Competition

We’ve been conditioned to compare.

So when it shows up, instead of judging yourself, get curious.

Why does this feel uncomfortable?

Is this rooted in truth, or in something familiar?

Because sometimes, what feels like intuition is actually a pattern.

And sometimes, what feels like discomfort is actually growth.

This Is an Invitation, Not an Accusation

This isn’t about calling women out.

It’s about calling awareness in.

Because the moment you become aware of how you’re showing up, you get to choose differently.

You get to ask:

Where am I still operating from old conditioning?
Where am I choosing separation over connection?
Where am I holding onto narratives that don’t actually serve me?

A Different Way Forward

What if we stopped forcing “sisterhood” as an identity?

What if connection wasn’t something we performed, but something we genuinely felt?

Not every woman will be your person.

Not every space will feel aligned.

And that’s okay.

True connection isn’t built on obligation or labels.

It’s built on resonance.

On truth.

On intention.

Because people can feel why you’re there.

And if your connection to others is genuine, the right women will meet you there.

Not because you’re trying to build sisterhood.

But because you’re being who you are.

I recorded a podcast episode about this topic listen here.