Things I’ve Learnt at 29
Ok so I’ve reached the ripe old age of 29.
To some I’m just a baby and to others I’m getting on a bit .. Yet as soon as I mention I’m single … Apparently I’ve passed it, on the shelf, too independent, too picky?!’ However, no one ever questions the quality of man I’m left to choose from?
Strange huh? Oh nooo its not because its a “Mans world?” *Yawn* I could go into that but, I’ll save it for another time!
I am 100% authentically and unapologetically myself! I would say I’m not your “stereotypical” girl, in the sense that my life ambition has never been to find a man. In fact I’ve never really been overly bothered. Don’t get me wrong there’s been times I’ve wanted a relationship like, at school or my early 20’s and even recently in my late 20’s I’ve “given it a go”. But that’s purely because I felt like it was the “right” thing to do, by that I mean because of society’s pressure, rather than feeling I need or want a relationship.
I do want kids and would love the fairy tale wedding but I know its not the be all and end all. - My plan is to have IVF at 40 if I’m still single!
I am a bit of a sponge, I take in everything around me and fortunately I have learned from others mistakes as well as my own, about not wasting time with rubbish relationships, setting boundaries and not accepting less that what you deserve. - Not doing it soz!
I am really lucky. The time I’ve spent investing into myself and into my existing relationships with my family and friends, have only made them and me stronger.
There is nothing lacking in my life, in any aspect, purely because I have 100% invested into myself and everything has flourished for it. - I’m no millionaire and I’ve not danced for Beyonce or anything but I know how to get the best out of life, by accepting what’s around me and making the absolute best I can out of every situation!
So here’s why my journey to self love began; As you can tell its not from a broken heart - well I guess it kind of is - I had a lot of relatives die in a short period of time between the ages of 13-17 I would say around 10 members of my family passed away two of which my closest relatives my Nan, who was the strongest woman I knew, to Cancer and my Dad, to alcoholism.
I’m not looking for sympathy, no one is meant to live forever.
I have however, realised that loosing family members at a young age put life into perspective for me.
Life is so short, tomorrow is never promised and you will die on your own. (Sorry, but it’s true). So, that’s why it’s vital to go whole heartedly for what you want in your life. And If you don’t quite reach the goals you set, at least you had something to fight for!
I want to leave a legacy behind, I want to be remembered for how I made people feel: loved, cared for, believed in, motivated and inspired. “Your life is your message to the world, make it inspiring, make it something worth reading” - Beyonce.
A lot of who I am comes down to growing up with an alcoholic father. Don’t get me wrong he was a lovely man , drink just got the better of him 90% of his life. So, as my father was other wise occupied, I stepped up to be the man of the house which is where my independence stems from. It’s not something I’m overly proud of due to the fact that by stepping into the masculine role, I’ve built my walls up so high its hard to let someone in, and quite honestly I am scared of being hurt. - Ridiculous I know, but I guess it comes down to allowing yourself to be hurt by the right person? The person that would do the same for you?
Enough about “me” lessons I’ve learnt! - Please bear in mind I’ve made these points as brief as possible… I will elaborate another time!
Read
Yes I said it! Pick up a book… they are written for a reason! I tell you anything you’re going through - literally anything - there is a book for! Me and one of my best friends literally say reading is free therapy!
Travel
Until you’ve seen how other people in other parts of the world live, you’ll never really, truly appreciate the beauty of life. Places in the Far East or the Caribbean for example, people literally have nothing, not even a roof over their heads, but they have family and food on their table - and that’s all they need! They are the happiest people, I’ve seen with my own eyes!
Don’t worry about the money - money will always come when you need it (trust me).
Making memories is the best investment you’ll ever make!
Write things down
I’m not talking a day by day diary - (I mean it could be) - but if your feeling any type of emotion or way and you don’t want to, or can’t speak to anyone about it, getting it out of your system on to paper or the notes on your phone will relieve you of that extra baggage you’re carrying.
Now the good stuff;
Love yourself
I know its cliche and cringe worthy … but it’s the real tea!
How you feel about yourself literally affects everything around you, EVERYTHING!
Start by being grateful about 5 things in the mornings as soon as you open your eyes! Then when you look in the mirror - find a few things you like about yourself - it could even be your sense of humour - because once you start finding them, you’ll keep seeing more!
Gratitude is EVERYTHING!!
The person you will spend 100% of your life with is yourself. I know so many people who hate bullying, yet say negative things to themselves all the time! You are listening to yourself just as it would hurt if someone else called you a horrible name or affirmed you were “silly” or something, you too are affirming that! Stop right now!
By being nice to yourself, I don’t mean to let yourself off for being an arse - be accountable for yourself and your actions, but just be a nice person! Or at least try!
Set boundaries for everything, but especially for the way you want to be treated!
When you treat yourself with love and respect, the whole world will do the same! They will have to. I won’t reply to rude people, or I call them out on their patronising manor and insist they talk to me with respect, or not at all! - I’m not joking, I really do think that much of myself! - Only because I have so much love and respect for myself and other living beings in general - not out of Ego that’s a different thing entirely!
Stop caring about what others think of you
Never apologise for being you - How people feel about you is their business not yours!
People will only like you as much as they like themselves. Deep I know!
So you do you hun! My favourite quote, and I love a quote … “Don’t worry about me, worry about yourself” - Sherisse.
You cannot give from a cup half empty
Some people will call you selfish and to them, it might be, but there is defiantly a line between self love and selfishness. The way I see it is; if you’re feeling great you will easily want to help other people … full cup = plenty to give.
If you are tired or fatigued or whatever, you won’t want to help another and if you do you will be sacrificing your own well being and happiness, possibly ending up resenting the other person because you may have given them your last drop! - You can’t help everyone all the time, but always try to when you can!
Don’t expect people to treat you how you treat them
I still struggle with this now! My sister always says this to me. I am the ride or die friend… Call me in the middle of the night I’ll be there, in a fight I’ll be there, baby sit, dog sit you name it… Need advice 100% I’m your gal! The problem is we’ve all got our own things going on were all busy, all the time! At least 50% of my friends have children and 80% have partners so I know it’s easier for me to help out than it is for them. It goes back to my last point; if you’re feeling great and can help, do so without expecting anything in return and if you can’t do that then don’t do it. - Harsh but true.
Fight fearlessly in the pursuit of your dreams
Dreams, goals … whatever you’d like to call it! I believe if you really want something whole heartedly and it’s meant for you, it will always find its way. No it won’t be easy. not if it's meant to be worth it!
Well it’s never been easy for me! Ask anyone that knows me, I’m one of the hardest working people I know and I always have to go the longest way around everything! Despite that, I am so grateful for my journey!
One of my best friends said to me “If everything was easy for you no one would ever come to you for advice”. So for the sake of independent women everywhere I’ll take it for the team :p
You are not a tree you are not planted or stuck
‘Where there is a will there is a way’ - George Herbert.
There is always another way around a situation. Up until April this year, I was planning on getting my 01 Visa and moving to LA. Then COVID happened and I re-assed my situation. I realised I’m getting older and my needs are changing. I want stability and I want to help younger dancers, I want I share my passion.
In a lot of ways being a dancer is vey egotistical. (Don’t get me wrong I love it!) Being a dancer is absolutely everything and more, getting on that stage and entertaining the crowds because you love the art, you love yourself and you want to share that joy. But there comes a time when just fulfilling your own needs in no longer enough and you want to help, give and share all you’ve learnt.
Take a step back and look at the bigger picture - write down what you want, it will manifest.
What’s meant for you won’t pass you by!
Believe in yourself!!
Not everyone is going to believe in your dreams, but don’t let that stop you! I’m telling you this from experience. Nobody ever thought I’d make a career from being a professional dancer. Don’t get me wrong I’m not too proud. I have done my fair share of non performing jobs too in the process and I live at home with my family still - (because I was moving away) - but the point is, I believed in myself! Dance was all I wanted to do and I have dedicated my life thus far, to getting to where I am and in the process, I’ve fallen in love with teaching and empowering women. - Which I think ties hand in hand!
If they don’t believe you yet, they will when you make it, and that’s when you cue the… “I told you so” and they can all eat humble pie!
I don’t even know you but I think you are capable of amazing things! If you vow from this point on, to love and believe in yourself, you’ll be unstoppable! - You are never too old by the way!!
There is so much else I could go into and I will!
Moral of the story - You don’t need another half when you are already a whole! The right person will rise up to meet you, and if they don’t you’ll live happily ever after anyway!
By no means do I think I’m better than anyone else in this world! - I would treat a cleaner and a CEO exactly the same! - I, myself, am still a work in progress and I am committed to always becoming a better version of myself! I am just sharing what I’ve learnt from my own experiences, in the hopes it inspires even at least one person!
You are powerful.
You are strong.
You are beautiful.
You are worthy of your dreams.
Always remember to love yourself! As Ru Paul says “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?”